Monday, January 24, 2000 - Who's Bratty?

On Monday, Joseph got some Rolos--and, just like in that old Rolos ad, he held one out to Larry and said, “Hey! Dumbo!” Of course Larry knew perfectly well that the next thing would be for Joseph to jerk the candy away and eat it himself just as he almost had it…so he pretended he wasn’t going to take it, and then he grabbeditasfastashecouldandcrammeditintohismouth,fast. And the littles all said, “Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!”

We borrowed some videos from the library--National Parks; Elk Hunt; Canada; Mt. Rainier National Park; Zion, Bryce, and Grand Canyon National Parks; and Yellowstone. So we’ve been looking at some mighty pretty scenery, and longing to go there…

At the moment, we are watching a video of Yellowstone National Park. Well, some of us are, anyway: Larry is sawing logs in his chair, and Victoria is busy asking me to tell her funny names of all the members of the family. We have just determined that Teddy is a heffalump, Dorcas is a gorilla, Hannah is Hooper Humperdink, Lydia is Humper Hooperdink, Joseph is Mortimer Schnerd... Victoria is getting sleepy, and everything is getting funnier by the minute, which is the way she always gets when she is tired. And I am trying to type.

I understand why people with TVs don’t get much done: people with VCRs don’t get much done, either! We don’t turn it on often; only in the evening, when most things (most; I said most) are done, and everybody is watching it together.

I have finished sewing Hester’s Easter dress--dusty blue with a border print of lace and pink roses, ribbons throughout--and am halfway done with one for Victoria. The skirt is rose pink brushed cotton, and the top is white linen with roses printed on it--the same fabric from which Hannah’s graduation dress was made.

On Tuesday Hannah, Dorcas, and Joy went to Lincoln, where Hannah bought the material for her bridesmaids, candlelighters, and the sit-at-the-guest-book person (is that what they’re called?): purple taffeta; and for Victoria--ivory satin. She also got re-embroidered lace yardage for the front of Victoria’s dress--and it cost $34.99/yd.! Yipe! She got the netting for Victoria’s veil…and Victoria is suddenly excited. Hannah was telling Victoria all about it…“and I’ll make a crown, and your veil will have a little pouf…”

Victoria’s eyebrows rose. “And I will squeak?!” (We have yet to figure that out.)

Kitty caught a mouse outside one day--and deposited it on the school porch, to the children’s consternation.
My niece Susan asked me to play the piano, until she is able to find time to practice. Danica caught another cold from Matthew, of all things; but Susan said she thinks she is getting better. It’s going to be scary for a while, every time that baby gets sick, I think. Sunday morning, our ladies’ trio sang I Am Amazed That He Should Love Me, and that evening the young people’s octet sang An Everlasting Friend.

Victoria likes to ‘sew’ while I am sewing. She sits beside me pinning multiple scraps of material together. Trouble is, she is liable to forget it and leave it lying on the floor, which is perilous to the bare feet of walkers-through.

Dorcas bought herself some new socks. Victoria, watching Dorcas get them out of the package, asked me, “Am I going to get some new tights?”

I, a bit preoccupied, answered, “No.”

She leaned forward and asked me, “What kind?”

Wednesday, the wind blew up a gale, and the temperature plummeted over twenty degrees in less than an hour, going from 44° right down to 21°. As I walked to church with Victoria that evening, the wind nearly blew us away. I tell you, it was cold. And Victoria, with her cold face, cold legs, and cold little hands, said, said she, “My eyelashes are really cold!” That, I think, was because a very light icy mist was falling, and it did feel funny on a person’s eyelashes.

Did you see the eclipse Thursday night? I took quite a few pictures at different stages of it, but they'll probably all be blurry, since it was cold and I was shivering... and my shutter only stays open while I hold the button down. One of the best cameras in the world--but I have to hold the shutter button down the entire time the shutter stays open on ‘bulb’ setting. Humbug.

Hearing about the eclipse from the littles, who were in a bit of a frenzy over it, Teddy came dashing up the stairs and into the living room, where I'd just set down my camera and tripod, crying, "Can I see too? Can I see too?!"--and he skedaddled over to the camera and peered up through it at nothing but the ceiling, the goof. His siblings, of course, went into peals of laughter, which invariably spurs him to new heights of comedy.

We had an enjoyable time in Jr. Choir Thursday night; we had a "Sword Drill", and the word I was using to have the children look up verses was "redeem". One of my favorite verses is, “Therefore the redeemed of the Lord shall return, and come with singing unto Zion, and everlasting joy shall be upon their heads. They shall obtain gladness and joy, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away!” Isn’t that a wonderful promise?

After that, we switched modes on the game, and I would begin reading a story to the children, while they hunted for it in their Bibles. As soon as they found it, they were to stand, and the first one up would start reading. When another child stood, the first would stop reading at the end of the verse, and the second would begin. We especially enjoyed the story of the spies going into Canaan Land. Imagine, would you, that they came back and told the Israelites that the land was a land "that eateth up the inhabitants thereof"--while in the same breath, they told all about the giants that were in the land!

Huh? That's not very consistent. Think of it--the men brought back such a cluster of grapes that it had to be carried by two men, on a pole between them... but the land "eateth up the inhabitants thereof". And do you read anything at all about the people trying even the smallest taste of what must've been absolutely scrumptious grapes?? Nope. Not at all. And they were the "first-ripe grapes"!--the very best! Just think what unbelief does to a person.

The video of Canada has a scene where they were having a Run-Madly-On-Top-Of-The-Log-In-Red-And-White-Striped-Socks-And-Black-Wing-Tip-Sea-Turtle-Leather-Dress-Shoes Contest (I'm not really sure what the name of the contest was, but that explains it nicely, I think). It was hilarious; you should try it sometime; good for the ol’ cardiovascular system, I’ll betcha. No wonder people with TVs never have any hobbies!

When that video was over, Victoria asked if we could listen to “The Old Bible ReBible Hour” (Old Fashioned Revival Hour) ha

One night we were going for a drive. The Suburban was running low on fuel--both in the tank, and in the passengers--so we headed for Sapp Bros. Truck Stop.

“Where are we going?” asked Caleb.

And Joseph answered, “To Slap Sisters’ Truck Stop.”

Thursday Larry went to the orthodontist. He had been referred there by his dentist, who had told him he would probably need to have all his teeth removed. He has had many root canals, and the front teeth keep getting abscessed, several molars are cracked, some of the roots have almost completely disintegrated, and a wisdom tooth is impacted. But after the doctor took X-rays and examined his teeth, he told Larry that he doesn’t have to have all his teeth removed, after all! What a relief. They will do surgery on the bottom four front teeth, cut off the tips of the roots so they quit getting abscessed, work on the broken molars, repair them as best they can, and remove the wisdom tooth. And save the rest! Whew. But even that amount of work will be over $1,000. Our insurance will only pay for half of it. Larry told the kids, “Now I won’t be able to say, ‘Hash ibbybubby sheen by teesh?’”

I was telling the children about the time I tried nursing a hurt robin back to health... I was not well-versed in bird veterinarics (if that isn't a word, it should be)... and, since it was a hot summer day, and he was in a little stuffy box, I was afraid he would get too hot.  So I filled several of my sand buckets up with ice water and put them in the box around him. When I came back to feed him an hour or so later, he was toenails up, frozen solid.

Well, almost.

I took him to my mother on the run, in great distress... she assured me that I had, indeed, done the wrong thing, and that he was, indeed, expired, and that the vet would indeed not be able to resurrect him. Goodness! I felt like a bona fide murderer! I like to never got over it.

We visited Martha and Carey Gene Friday night. They invited Bobby and Hannah, and Keith and Esther, too. We watched a video about a family of ducks on a manmade pond in the middle of Tokyo. The narrative was hilarious, and the cameraman embellished his duck story with footage of the throngs of humanity that surged around the pond with their cameras and video recorders. There were scenes of the duck family standing on the rocks, heads tucked under their wings, sleeping--while, just a little distance away, camera men sat in their chairs, cameras on the sidewalk beside them, waiting for action, their heads bobbing fore and aft as they drifted off to Never-Never Land. And there were pictures of the little ducklings rushing madly back and forth, snatching up bits of bread and food people were tossing to them--while cameramen dashed furiously to and fro, trying to get in the best possible position for taking photos of the youngsters.

When the movie was over, the boys played football…and I played Martha’s ‘new’ organ --the old church organ. It’s a beautiful organ, in excellent condition. It’s fun to play, even for a pianist.

One evening Hannah was stirring a casserole before putting it in the oven: there was a mix of vegetables, cheddar cheese, hamburger, and cheddar cheese soup, and, to be sure, it truly didn’t look like the best sort of concoction.

Victoria came into the kitchen and asked, “What are we having?” She stood on her tip-toes and peered into the pan. She made a face. “I don’t want any of that; I’m full.”

Later, when she found a sizable helping in her dish, she asked apprehensively, “Is it gonna be good?”--and then she wound up eating more than her three elder siblings. Some things are better than they look!

Saturday night, Victoria was fastening barrettes in Hannah’s hair. After getting several put in, she asked, “Where are you going?” because, it has been evident, people go places, after they get their hair nicely fixed.

“Nowhere,” responded Hannah, whereupon Victoria asked, “Is Bobby coming?” because, it has been evident, people have visitors, after they get their hair nicely fixed.

“Yes,” replied Hannah.

Victoria queried further, “Is he going to like your hair?”

Hannah now had three large barrettes every which way in her hair--and then Bobby knocked on the door. Hannah exclaimed, “Oh! Bobby’s here!”

Victoria turned and went pelting down the hall. She jerked the door open, and before Hannah had even stepped into the hall where Bobby could see her, Victoria said, “Hi! Do you like Hannah’s hair?”

Bobby raised one eyebrow and replied, “I suppose I do.”

Larry, who’d been sitting at the table eating with the other children, got up, came around the corner, and said to Bobby, “Hi! Do you like Hannah’s hair?” at about the same time Bobby caught sight of her with her hair in its unique adornments.

Our dryer has been sounding mighty similar to a rhino with a cougar on its back, so on Saturday afternoon, Larry fixed it--an altogetherly trying exploit, in view of the fact that he had to climb several mountains of clothes in order to get to the dryer in the first place. Behind the dryer lurked a collection of socks and sundry other items, including one or two armadillos and three great apes.

I’m not sure just what the trouble was with the dryer; something about a drum, or maybe a tuba, that was loose and allowed the belt to get tangled with the scarf. And one ape’s arm was stuck in the vent. Something like that.

Speaking of house apes… Once upon a time, there was a little girl in one of my father’s churches by the name of Susan Bushnell. She was a dreadful brat. It was wintertime, and there was snow and ice on the metal porch railing of the church. Susan Bushnell decided it would make a good snow cone--and she licked it. :-o-

Do you know what happens when a warm, wet tongue touches a cold, frozen piece of metal?

That’s right; it sticks to it.

And Susan was stuck.

Now change scenes: At the parsonage, in the kitchen, my brother and sister, Loren and Lura Kay, were sitting quietly at the table, having a small after-church before-dinner snack.

Suddenly and without warning, the front door flew open and crashed against the wall behind it as Daddy ran headlong into the house, yelling unintelligibly as he came. :-O Loren and Lura Kay turned and stared, mouths agape. :-0 :-0 Now, it had snowed outside, and Daddy’s shoes were wet with ice and snow. The wooden floor was warm…and, all of a sudden, his feet flew high, and he landed ka-BLAMM! flat on his back.

Loren and Lura Kay went on staring. :-o :-o

Daddy leapt to his feet, still running, still yelling. :-O

Loren and Lura Kay stared. :-o :-o

Daddy dashed into the kitchen, and flipped on the hot water faucet and grabbed a glass, all in one movement. When the glass was nearly full, he turned and sprinted for the front door, still hollering and shouting. :-O

Loren and Lura Kay looked on in amazement. :-0 :-0 The door slammed shut behind him, and Loren and Lura Kay slowly turned their heads and looked at each other… and then it finally dawned on them what Daddy had been yelling:

“Get some water; Susan Bushnell’s tongue is stuck to the railing!” :-o-

Meanwhile, Daddy was running, skidding, and sliding, his way back to the church. He got there--too late: Susan Bushnell had already jerked loose…leaving part of her tongue behind.

Speaking of running… Once upon a time, Lura Kay was in the hospital after a bad car accident. One of her kneecaps was shattered, and she had several operations on it.

Loren went to visit her one day. He helped her into a wheelchair… headed down the hall… and, as soon as the coast was clear, he took off like a shot (flank speed emergency, which is, of course, entirely appropriate in a hospital])... rounded the next corner at a hard gallop---and nearly plowed over the lady with the meal trolley as she innocently made her rounds. She screamed and ran in place some three feet off the floor for a little while, but eventually gravity got the better of her and she descended to earth again.

Loren swerved around her with hardly a glance and raced madly on his way. Lura Kay was laughing till she cried, which was not at all a comfortable thing to do, since she had quite a number of broken ribs. He was a nut. Still is. But we kinda like him.

Speaking of racing vehicles with which one ought not… Once upon a time, we saw one of the sacking boys (is that what they are?) at the local grocery store try a stunt with a lady's cart: he went riding it down the handicap ramp at Mach speed... and then, without warning, his equilibrium gave way to mayhem, and there was a Grand Fruit and Vegetable Ker-Blooey.

The lady was not impressed, but we all slithered down low in our car and guffawed. It was not that we did not feel sorry for the poor lady and her juiced fruits and vegetables, it was just that it was, well, … funny.

One night, we had blue hake, lettuce salad, and apples for supper.

Only 12 people were missing from church yesterday. Everybody is getting better. The entire Jackson family managed to make it, too.

A little bit ago, Victoria was putting a washcloth into the shower. She accidentally banged the door, whereupon it popped right back open. Victoria stood staring at the door. “Did I slam it?” she asked in amazement.

“Just push it shut,” Hannah told her helpfully. Victoria did so.

Back out into the kitchen she trotted, where she asked Hannah, “Why did I bang the door?”

Hannah replied, “Because you’re bratty.”

Victoria looked at her for a moment, “I’d say you are,” she informed her sister. She grinned and exited the kitchen.